The Odindo Void

There is a total of 1 other person on this entire planet that will understand this concept. So let me try and break it down. I understand that children lose things; that is not a new concept to anyone. They are less responsible, may not understand the value of money etc. However, the amount of things I lost as a child is inhumane. It was not because I was spoiled and knew that it could be replaced. What would happen was I would believe that I had it in my possession (I could even picture it where it supposedly was) but then when anyone goes to look for it... poof! Not there.

You’d think that this phenomenon would slowly fade away with age. No such luck! In the past, I have lost a phone, a pair of glasses, an iPod, countless pairs of swimming goggles and school sweaters to this phenomenon. I knew replacements wouldn’t come flooding in nor did I expect them. And I wish I could tell you where they went, but I can’t.

You see this problem wouldn’t be so much of a problem if it didn’t hurt so much to see people so disappointed in me. It may be extreme but I can feel my heart drop in synchrony with theirs when I tell them I can’t find it and follow up with a half-assed explanation of how it disintegrated into thin air. 

Because I have this problem, I place certain things in specific places. This system gives the illusion of a very organised person but I do acknowledge and account for the fact that something significant shall and will get swallowed by this void every so often. Maybe for safe keeping in my afterlife. If items are not exactly where I place them at all times, I prepare myself for a life without them. But it may take me days, weeks and in the case of my glasses, months of blindness to grab all the courage in me to let someone down. It tears me apart.  

Even though these antagonistic characteristics of “carelessness” and empathy sit like water and oil in my soul; I survive. Some of my most identifiable characteristics are constantly at war with themselves, battling inside me in the hopes of doing better - doing right by others. 

This curse can at times feel like a good thing; it keeps prepared in all moments to prepare for some thing to go wrong. There’s only so much a mortal being can control and taking that responsibility off my shoulders can leave room for the beauties that are in my bounds.

So I press on and hope that at least the cute shoes I never found under my bed are in the abyss, making another Odindo happy.